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HILARIOUS SEX QUOTES

(Comical quotes to add to your e-cards, sms, txt msgs, facebook, myspace blogs & tweets)

 


Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.
~ Butch Hancock

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
~ Matt Groening

 Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
~ Robert Heinlein
 
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.  Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
~ P.J. O'Rourke

My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw.  After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.
~ Erica Jong

Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.
~ Author Unknown

We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time. ~ Arthur Hoppe

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.
~ Truman Capote
 

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
~ Author Unknown

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets. ~ Author Unknown

Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. ~ Bob Rubin

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~ Butch Hancock

To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. ~ Don Schrader

My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live. ~ Erica Jong

The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently.
~ Margaret Smith

Men get laid, but women get screwed.
~ Quentin Crisp

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. ~ Mark Twain

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave. ~ Author Unknown

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one. ~ Bob Hope

My cock doesn't talk politics. ~ S. Sachs

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets. ~ Author Unknown

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~ Matt Groening

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. ~ Karl Kraus

Sex relieves tension - love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

 

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