My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she's reading.

Quote by -  Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it, so I said Thyroid problem?

Quote by -  Arnold Schwarzenegger

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

Quote by -  Tiger Woods

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Quote by -  Jack Nicholson

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.

Quote by -  Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)!

Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Quote by -  Robin Williams

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

Quote by -  Roseanne

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? Quote by -  Dustin Hoffman

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'

Quote by -  Jerry Seinfeld

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

Quote by -  Rod Stewart

Lots of women just go out with me to further their careers - damn anthropologists.

Quote by -  Emo Philips.

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.

Quote by -  Garry Shandling

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Quote by -  Rita Rudner

My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman. Still, I've got another three goes.

Quote by -  Sally Poplin

(Computer dating) It's terrific if you're a computer.

Quote by -  Rita Mae Brown

Computerized dating can save a lot of guesswork - but so can a bikini.

Quote by -  Ed Parrish

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.

Quote by -  Bill Maher

I was dating this girl for two years and right away the nagging starts: I wanna know your name.

Quote by -  Mikey Binder

Sleep with a guy once and before you know it, he wants to take you to dinner!

Quote by -  Mires Yori.

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy. I'm dating a pregnant woman.

Quote by -  Ronny Richards.

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.

Quote by -  Scott Roeben

Rumors about me? Calista Flockhart, Pam Anderson, and Matt Damon. That's who I'm dating.

Quote by -  Ben Affleck

Do you believe in computer dating?
Only if the computers really love each other.

Quote by -  Marx, Groucho.

My grandmother's 90. She's dating. He's about 93. It's going great. They never argue. They can't hear each other.

Quote by -  Catherine Ladman.

My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I'm going to tell her I'm dating two different guys : Mr. Duracell and Mr. Energizer.

Quote by -  Michelle Landry